Sixty percent of students take five to six years to complete college. A big reason is that they are not emotionally equipped to be successful. It takes more than good grades to be prepared for college. It takes resilience, persistence and knowing how to deal with mistakes and disappointment.
As a middle school teacher, I received many phone calls from parents about missing work. “Why didn’t you call me?” they asked. “I would have made sure it was done.” I wanted to say, “You’re not in sixth grade again. This is your kid’s problem, not yours!” When did this become a parent’s responsibility? When the parent cares more about the work than the student, something is out of balance. This was the perfect example of a time to back off and let a child experience some discomfort, and learn from the experience.
Would you agree that our job as parents is to prepare our children for life? Unfortunately, a great deal of focus is on the academic preparation for college… and to a lesser extent on the attitudes and skills that will get them through the challenges. Preparation for life involves letting them, encouraging them, pushing them, to experience life. So in order for them to be successful in high school, college and beyond, we parents have to prepare them for more than SATs and GPAs.
We are experiential learners: this means that most of us learn best by doing. And it has more meaning for us when we do something ourselves. This also means that we learn more by experiencing the consequences of our actions. This goes double for our kids. Experience, reflect, learn, apply. Repeat.
So how do you prepare them… or help them prepare themselves? This is one of the most difficult things parents have to do. You have to let go. And what does that look like?
1) Resist the impulse to step in and smooth the way for them, or to take care of their problems.
2) Recognize why you want to step in. I know, you don’t want them to be hurt or disappointed. Maybe you’re afraid of how it will look if you don’t have ‘the perfect’ child. Or perhaps you don’t want to risk losing their love. But sometimes your children will have to experience sadness and disappointment in order to become resilient and to see just what they’re made of. They won’t know until they struggle and fix their own mess.
3) Understand when your help is, or isn’t necessary. This is the big one. If it’s not a matter of health or safety, odds are you should stay in the background and let your child figure it out.
Are you ready to let them go? They are capable of accomplishing, and coping with, so much more than you may give them credit for. Ready, set… let them go!
I absolutely loved this blog post! “Preparation for life involves letting them, encouraging them, pushing them, to experience life. So in order for them to be successful in high school, college and beyond, we parents have to prepare them for more than SATs and GPAs.” I couldn’t agree with you more! This post really reminded me of a book I recently ready by author Sarah Galimore called “10 Things I Wish I Knew in High School”. I gave this book to my daughter freshman year of high school because it covers absolutely everything; a teen’s fleeting social life, the importance of life experience and exposure, and future career and educational pursuits. I also really enjoyed it because it pushes the plain and simple truth, “ENJOY YOUR YOUTH.” So many teens want to have their own place, and find the love of their life, and grow up that they miss a very wonderful and important time in their lives. Her book and her website offer valuable resources when planning for college and for the major that is right for your son or daughter. She teaches teens to become their own educational advocate; it all boils down to his/her choices. I really think this book will soon be a must have for all teens and I definitely think you should give it a read and perhaps add it to a future blog list! Here’s to happy and healthy teens!