No, it’s not a typo. It’s the truth. Kids don’t listen because we’ve trained them not to. Keep reading and you’ll see that we parents have created the monster (and there’s still time to tame it). See if any of the following examples sound familiar.
I remember when my kids were little and we did the ‘count to three’ thing. Think about it — we were already telling them that it was okay to delay. A little older and it morphed into “If I have to ask you/tell you one more time…” How many requests had we already made? Then there was the broken formula — state expectations, be frustrated with no results, threaten and repeat. What were we thinking?! What are YOU thinking when you respond this way?
Apparently we parents aren’t thinking clearly. We’re reacting emotionally, not rationally. What’s going on when you threaten and don’t follow through? You’re likely feeling frustrated and trying to avoid an all-out confrontation or explosion (which doesn’t go anywhere good). You may have a hard time seeing your child disappointed or sad. Whatever the reason, it’s all about you.
In order to be ready to launch one day, kids need to understand and respect limits and boundaries. You’re not doing them any favors by letting them slide. It’s a funny thing that parents tell kids that in the adult world nobody will coddle them or change the rules to make it easier on them. Yet these same parents will do exactly that. How in the world can they be prepared for life if you don’t let them experience it now? Many of you have said that your parents would never have stood for the behaviors and attitudes you get from your own children, that you wouldn’t have dreamed of not doing as you were told.
This isn’t a power struggle. It’s about parenting. It takes strength, courage and conviction to do what you know is right for your children. It takes being willing to risk their anger, and pushing your need for a ‘relationship’ temporarily to the side. Some days it takes nerves of steel to acknowledge their unhappiness, stand your ground, and calmly restate your expectations. Their anger will not last forever… but the benefits of your commitment to them will last a lifetime.
Be well, be STRONG, be COURAGEOUS PARENTS!
Excellent article! Thank you so much for telling the truth in love. Too many children don’t know the proper way to act because they have never been taught. It always saddens me when I see a child acting out in public because it’s obvious he has been allowed to do it at home. We do our children a disservice by not teaching them proper attitudes and self-controlling behaviors. Nicely written.
I appreciate your comment, Jen. Yes, it is a disservice to our kids. Our goal is to prepare our kids for life. Parenting has to be about more than love and good intentions.
Very well said, Fern. When you allow your children’s wishes about how your home should be run to override your wishes as the parent, you reduce your authority and demean your ability to make decisions. Eventually, your children will stop asking for help with important life decisions, because you haven’t shown yourself to be someone they respect and want to emulate.
You may be a friend for a while; but losing your “parent” role may be difficult to regain later. And a Parent has a much more important impact on a child, even when they reach adulthood.
Peggy Lusk
Financial Coach
http:Abundance-by-Design.com
Thanks, Peggy. I really feel it’s time for parents to take back their authority as parents. Of course, I don’t mean that it’s all about control, rather living up to their responsibility as teacher, provider of limits, and guide. You’re so right – after you’ve given it up, it’s more difficult (but not impossible!) to assume it later on. Basically, parents have to ‘grow up’ as their kids grow up.