I bet you’ve always thought do-overs are for kids and games. Think again. Do-overs apply to most situations and people, although we really focus here on your relationship with your child.
Do you wish you had handled a situation differently with your teen? You never know what will fly out of your mouth when they give you attitude, rebellion or indifference… or when you are tired or worried. Who you are in the heat of the moment is not who you are an hour or a day later. I admit, I’ve been known to scream from frustration. I’m needing to be right, or just don’t feel heard. Ditto for my kid, right?
It takes a little courage (which means leaving your ego in another room) to come back, after the fact, and bring up the topic again. You won’t regret it – promise. What’s on the other side of your fear is resolution and understanding. So take that leap. Tell your teen you had some time to think about what happened and what was said.
– “What I really wanted to say… “
– “I’ve been thinking about what happened and I’d like to talk to you again, without arguing or yelling.
– “I’m calmer now, and I do want to hear what you have to say.”
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. The added benefit is that you are showing your kids how people reconcile, discuss their differences and show humility. That sounds like a win-win to me.
Start taking advantage of your ‘do-over’ opportunities. And share this message with friends and family. You never know who needs to hear just this message, today. I love to hear from you, so leave a comment, share an experience, and let us know how these strategies work for you.
Thanks for the reminder to take five and do the “do over”. I’m going to try that this morning.
I got attitude when I asked my 15 1/5 yr. old son if he wanted to drive. He’s been
reluctant for whatever reason ( effort, stress, just doesn’t feel like it), so rather than pause, I blurted out that he wouldn’t be driving my car at all unless he drives more. This provoked a heated interchange and feelings if anger and frustration on both sides. While I do want him to get more practice driving, an ultimatum was not the best way to handle expressing my feelings. I’m going to revisit the conversation. In my experience, it helps!
Patricia
We all struggle with forgiveness. Once we’ve been hurt by our child, it’s a challenge to forgive him. Once we’ve said something that we shouldn’t have, it’s hard to forgive ourselves.
As a parent I’ve come to realize that my time with my child is about process, not product. It’s not about me making sure that he turns out right; it’s about the steps I take with him along the way. If I can forgive myself and forgive him for the words that shouldn’t have been said, then I’m moving in the direction I want for both of us. Maybe one day we’ll both be better able to pause BEFORE we say something hurtful. In the meantime, do-overs are a great process step!
My son – and students – respond so well to Do Overs. Given that moment to regroup and make a different choice – they always seem to take the higher ground. I love any personal opportunity I’ve had to do the same. Phew!! Not all mistakes are permanent! 🙂
Isn’t that the beauty of it, Annie? That most mistakes don’t have to be permanent. And look at what we all learn along the way. (Love your posts too. Folks, check out