A lot is written about how to make and accomplish those goals on your new year’s resolutions list. *Remember that this applies to all goals, of any size, and any time of year.
How many of those resolutions show up year after year? Are you feeling any guilt or criticizing yourself for not making them happen?
Ditch the guilt and ditch the list. And before you even put pen to paper, consider this:
The road to unrealized goals is littered with good intentions. Mental preparation is required.
If all you needed to accomplish something was desire, you would have everything you’ve ever wanted. A missing piece in the process is mental preparation. You have to understand what has kept you from manifesting this goal up until now. What are your blocks and excuses? What motivates you to not follow through?
If you commit to regular exercise, what stopped you every other time? I enjoy walking… it’s just getting out the door to do it that’s challenging. What’s that all about? There are other things I’d rather be doing, or need to do, so it’s easy to use those as excuses. Maybe it’s too cold or too hot out, or I didn’t sleep well and just don’t want to move. The list of excuses comes too easily.
Do you want more family time? It could be something regular like dinner together a couple of times a week, or a game night. Maybe it’s just sitting with your teen at bedtime when she drops the attitude and gets warm and cuddly. These are beautiful goals. What could go wrong?
For starters, everyone I talk to feels stretched and pulled and overwhelmed by daily life. Add to that having to deal with and respond to everyone else’s moods and needs puts parents in ‘react’ mode, instead of being intentional and mindful. That doesn’t leave much energy and patience to make those other, desirable things happen. You attempt to implement and all too often the roadblocks appear.
Talk it over with your family. Maybe you’re asking for too much too soon. Is there a compromise? Your kids may have some other enjoyable options. Put your listening ears on and keep the big picture in mind.
Mental preparation. When you know what you’re dealing with, you can find a work-around, or even modify your goal so it becomes more realistic and achievable. Let’s stick with the family time goal.
Ask yourself:
- What attitude or belief is getting in the way? If you believe your family needs convincing, you’re setting yourself up for failure. If you believe everything is your responsibility, you’re taking on too much and teaching everyone else that they don’t have a stake in this, and can sit back and do nothing while you manage it all.
- I’ve tried this before. What kept me from making it happen or being consistent? Use past experience to avoid making the same mistakes.
- Who do I need to ask for help? Whether it’s exercise or family time, ask for help when you need it. Have an accountability partner for the exercise. For family goals, get input from your partner and kids. It will take the burden off you, get their buy-in, and increase the odds of getting more of what you want, instead of resentment and frustration on both sides.
- Why do I want to do this? Questioning your reason for setting this goal can be an eye-opener. Are you trying to control others and outcomes? Do you need to be right about something? Are you doing this because somebody else thinks it’s a good idea for you? Your ‘why’ will be a factor in your success, or your decision to let this one go.
One final word on setting goals: These perspectives and strategies will work for your kids. What works for you, works for them, too. And remember that you are their teacher and they are always watching. Your personal success (whether it’s in the process or in the result) inspires them and helps them grow.
Mental preparation plus desire equals more success. What will you accomplish this year?