For all their attitude and bluster, teens are often just little kids in almost-adult bodies. There are times they want to be hugged and cuddled and spoiled, even though they would rather eat bugs than admit it. The wall they put up gets awfully hard to keep up.
Even when we were going through the worst of it with our son, I remember nights when he let his guard down and asked, “Mom, would you read me a bedtime story?” Talk about melting a mother’s heart! The big decision was which book to read. Some that come to mind are:
* Goodnight Moon (who can resist looking for the little mouse?)
* If You Give a Mouse a Cookie (the best illustrations ever)
* Lentil (an oldie but goodie by Robert McCloskey… look for the part with the lemons)
* and one that never made it to the top of the charts, but should have, Five Minutes Peace (about a mama elephant who will do anything to have just five minutes alone, and ends up in a bubble bath with all three kids jumping in with her).
I’d sit in a chair or on the edge of the bed. My nearly six-foot son would gradually morph into a cuddly kid, defenses down. Perfection.
Another bedtime ritual that made an appearance from time to time was the lullaby. As a little one, Josh couldn’t say ‘lullaby’ – it came out as ‘wallaby’, so it’s something we could joke about. “Mom, sing me a lullaby.” Music to my ears, and his. Favorites included “You Are My Sunshine” and “Fais do-do”, a sweet French song that both my kids love to this day.
What else do I remember? Laughing about one of his favorite videos, Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day. I can still see him as a toddler, giggling ’til he gasped for breath. You see, Piglet is so small and light. On the blustery day, Pooh grabs hold of Piglet’s scarf to keep him from being pushed around by the wind. Instead, the scarf unravels, Piglet is lifted off the ground, and is blown up into the air like a kite. My kid laughed and laughed, and still does when we remember it together.
Coming back to t
he present… Whether you’re going through tense times with your older child, or just normal adolescent nonsense, revisiting those sweet days with them will feel so warm and nourishing. These are the ties that bond you together. These are the moments that give your child permission to be a kid again, to soften and snuggle and just… be.
Pull out a favorite childhood book or video. Play a song you both remember from toddler days. Teens are struggling to grow up and be taken seriously, and don’t want to lose face. It’s up to you to take the initiative on this one, quietly and without a fuss.
What if your son or daughter turns you down? It’s disappointing, but you are paving the way. Just keep doing what you’re doing, whether or not you get the result you want. One day they’ll come back to you as if it’s their own idea. You are reminding and reassuring them that no matter how difficult things have been, you still love them. That has always been, and always will be, what it’s about.